A cute and funny picture to lift everyones spirits after the long weekend.


had a good long weekend although busy. Wanted to share with everyone who has dogs that you can get a preventive tick collar from your vet. You still need your regular flea and tick protection but this collar is a great tool. Beans was walking Mercury and coming back with tons of ticks on him before we got this collar. I warn you they are pricey but one will protect through the entire season .They do not make a collar for cats. I highly encourage one. I do not know about everyone else but the ticks here in Pa are out of control this year.

We do not want the ticks finding their way onto our Gabriel. He has many warm places to hide, lol.

First i missed mothers day, so I apologize and wish everyone a happy mothers day.

Things have been rather nuts here. I have had a series of health issues that cropped up from a physical i had a few weeks ago. I had lost a great deal of weight but honestly thought it was from the stress of dealing with my wayward hubbie. Come to find out i have an overactive thyroid. This has caused my metabolism to go into overdrive. Currently i have an appt with an endocronologist next week to get it under control.

A bit more scary is the two masses they found one in each breast. I have further testing for that as well next week. Until I have confirmation that this is a serious matter i am gonna try not to worry. It could be any number of things.



Alannah has finished her first year of college with a 3.3 gpa. Most excellant i say but she wants 3.5 to 4.o to gain entrance to a better college. I am so proud that through the confusion of the last seven months that my kids have continued to move forward. Colleen just received her academic letter of honors for being on the honor roll all year. You go bean queen!!!!

Kate is having a girl. Thus the reason for the pink background. She looks beautiful pregnant.

James is home again. I guess that is the nature of addiction, many failures before success. It is very challenging to deal with it but i am trying to understand.

"Never give up the day before the miracle happens"



What a great quote. A pure and simple reminder that you just never know when the miracle of change will happen to you. Thats the thing about change, you can always hope but if you are not actively working towards change it will never occur.

We humans tend to rely on hope. We think willing something to change for the better will make it actually be better. There is something to be said for the energy of thought and manifestation of that energy. But if we have not cleared the way in our soul for true change then the manifestation cannot occur. In other words, we gotta get our hands dirty and do the tough emotional work so that we are a positive vessel ready to accept the changes we seek in our lives.

In my opinion this process walks hand in hand with the ideas of reincarnation. I believe we choose to be reborn in order to learn life lessons. The life lessons are important in the elevation of our souls to a higher plane of learning and grace. We seek a greater bond with God, that is the human yearning.

Bottom line though, you gotta start with yourself. If you alter the way you think and do things, you will manifest positive change. You will be transformed and your negative energy will no longer manifest the things you fear most. We are all individually responsible for our own energy.

Yesterday i received a bouquet of flowers, gorgeous bright day lilies and purple irises. I love the pop of color these flowers are bringing to a drab day today. The card simply said "I love you". I called Jim to thank him for the flowers, and he asked me what the card said. Apparently there was supposed to be an additional phrase. "Forgive the Dumbass" , i started laughing. It seems the florist felt it was inappropriate to write dumbass for the world to see. Jim told the florist that although he could leave that phrase off the card, that the cat was long out of the bag, and that he indeed had been a huge dumbass for the whole world to see. Jim, in is way is clearing his soul, and I appreciate the work he is doing to repair and rejoin the marriage. Its also a great story.


Last night was a gorgeous full moon. Although the energy produced from a full moon is usually crazy, I felt very calm. Usually the world seems crazy, bizarre and out of control, and I am very sensitive to the energy produced from a full moon. I am emotionally overboard, but yesterday I was good. I felt peaceful. I wonder if the work I am doing is improving my outlook. Its a very good thing I did not quit before the miracle happened.

Hope everyone here has a great easter. Blessings lovies! -blu

Its strange, the path that life takes you down. I have often thought that as you grew older life stopped producing such twisted roads to travel! I thought life became mellow, easy, a straight path towards old age. I thought all would be familiar, easy to anticipate and follow.

Well nothing can be further from the truth.

Hubbie has returned after a very tough six months away. Many will think me unwise, unhealthy or just plain crazy for allowing him back. I did what I wanted to do, and somewhere in my heart, I have started setting he and I free. Forgiveness is for me not him, and I have learned alot about myself. I feel generally at peace for my decision,and calm in my pocket of self awareness. That is a strange thing. I deal with everyone differently, almost as if I have a secret supply of peace and tranquility.

Of course we are seeing a therapist, one who specializes in substance abuse. There are many layers of emotional trauma and instability to peel back.

But I like the level of honesty and commitment that exists right now in the marriage.

In other news, Kate is pregnant and is starting to feel better now. At three months along she has just started to show slightly and has felt faint flutterings of baby movement. Its very strange to contemplate being a grandmother. I went to the obstetric appt with her last week and saw my grandbaby floating around in utero. Its amazing what has already developed.

Last sunday I went to play some poker in atlantic city. I ended up taking first place in a tournament of 70 people. I felt I had played my best game yet. It looks like the studying and reading about the game is truly helping. Of course luck always helps. I got 700.00 for first, my biggest payday to date. I just love the intricacies of the game. I must say that the dealers were getting a kick out of me because I was so quiet at the table. Especially the final table. I was in the zone and concentrating, not trying to be unsociable. However, I was feeling competitive as well, I wanted to win badly.

Colleen's band had their state competition two weeks ago and took second in her grouping. They missed first by .7 pts. They were excellent this year and really worked hard. This past weekend they traveled to Florida and performed in the Magic Kingdom. They stayed for 4 days and got to see lots of sights. She was thrilled. I was thrilled for her.

I have been musing for several days now on my lack of ability to just get angry and move on from my sadness and denial. I have already attempted to "help" hubbie at great personal sacrifice to myself.

Just acknowledging that I have loosened all my personal boundries and morals to attempt to save him, should help to motivate an anger response. Many people that I love and respect have better boundries about this situation then I do. I know they all think I have three heads, and even my kids are standing hard in their convictions.

I am still one big tear stained mush pile. One big pile of steaming denial. I am not incorporating issues like co-dependance and enabling
into my daily vernacular. Honestly i have no understanding of the concepts never mind their implicit meaning pertaining to me.

I am really struggling to put meaning and importance on redirecting my knowledge towards these concepts. So I fail myself. I do not really want to confront the ways in which I am co dependant or an enabler.

I do not want to confront that my husband is a changed man who needs to now be on his own. This is his struggle, he needs to get help.

For two days I have been more lonely than normal, more depressed and self absorbed. It is because I have wanted to contact hubbie . Any attention from him is better than nothing. I have written several texts to him and not sent them. So far I have resisted the urge to contact him. I should be proud, I am still just desolate.

I am thinking at this point that I need a support group like Nar Anon. I think it would help integrate my thoughts and just getting out of the house will be a whole new perspective.